is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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