So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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