your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
