youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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