So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just invented taco cereal.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
