did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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