At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
