he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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