I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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