Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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