but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
