drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
