im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
