somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I die, sorry about rent.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize