dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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