He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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