my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
