Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
