there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
