I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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