I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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