Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
