The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
