You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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