how can u be prego again
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
