He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
