I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
