I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
