fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
