Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize