i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
