So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
