My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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