I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
