i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize