My room smells like vodka and shame
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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