Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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