I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
