i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
