false alarm. still invincible.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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