I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
