A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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