Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
