So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
