I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
