So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
