She is in my trunk
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
