I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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