The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
BRING THE BAGELS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
