i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
