Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
