i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
babies were throwing up all over the place
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
