just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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