Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
