I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
