listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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