I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
