I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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