can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
