Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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