It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize